What moms actually want for Mother's Day
The gift(ish) guide.
I had a plan to make a Mother’s Day gift guide. Like any other holiday, I planned on doing research, asking moms what they want most, then scouring the internet to find the goods, and dropping my picks into a guide to present to all of you.
But what became clear after talking to the moms in my life is that what moms need more than anything is time.
“Solo time at Target is nice,” my sister said to me. “Take away my responsibilities for a day,” said someone else. “A staycation by myself in a hotel to bed-rot, watch reality TV, and get as much sleep as possible,” said another. One friend thought it would be nice to go to a nearby tulip festival, but has too many kids’ birthday parties to attend. Another friend didn’t have the brain space to dream of a gift because her whole family has hand-foot-and-mouth right now.
Of course, when pressed to think of an item, the moms I know were able to think of something — things are fun, too. And for that, I did create a Mother’s Day gift guide that you can shop right here.
But the takeaway is that the physical gift should be secondary. If you have a mom in your life — be that your own mother, your partner, a friend, sister, or anyone else — is there a way you can give them back their time?
Critically, be sure that your gift doesn’t inadvertently take their time away. For example, if you’ve given them a massage gift card or are treating them to dinner, make the reservation and arrange for childcare, so you’re not adding to their mental load. If you’ve given them a pack of yoga classes, offer to cover household duties so they can get themselves to the studio. If you make breakfast in bed, do the dishes, too. Because not following through on these things are how well-intentioned gifts can turn into burdens (and bummers).
Along with speaking to my close friends and relatives, I reached out to Claire Zulkey, writer and founder of the Evil Witches Newsletter — an excellent resource for mothers who are looking for humorous, relatable insights into parenthood and life. (I am not a mom and I absolutely love her newsletter. I highly recommend you subscribe.) Here’s what she had to say:
This all depends on whether the mom in question does want her alone time (I am one who does). I certainly don't mind seeing my family to SOME extent on Mother’s Day, so they can be forced to honor me (just kidding, but not really), but I also appreciate it if my husband just takes the kids to do something, so I can have some alone time on the couch with the dog.
Also, a lot of younger moms are still paying homage to the older moms in their lives. If you are married to a mom of any age who needs to consider another mom's plans, set a calendar reminder every year to get in touch with the other people/men in the family a few weeks ahead of time to make a plan that is pleasing/convenient to both parties if possible. Don't leave it to one mom to plan for the other mom, and/or don't leave it til the last minute. We can tell when it's last minute :)
I know all of this is easier said than done. But as an auntie and a friend to many, many mothers with young children, this is all important to take into consideration. Moms need time, preferably alone in a clean and quiet space. Maybe at home or at Target.
And PS: They probably need this more often than just on Mother’s Day. But it’s a start.
The Mother’s Day Gift Guide
As I mentioned, I still managed to get moms to admit there are some things they’d like to receive — and I picked out a few great gifts myself. Jump to the full guide here or see what I scouted for mom friends below.
First: Howabout a paid gift subscription to Evil Witches or The Vintage Table (Maggie Hoffman’s delightful Substack that reports on gorgeous vintage tableware, like Moretti wine glasses).
My friend Liz told me she’d love a Polaroid camera to take pictures that she can actually print (genius) and a pair of huggies that her baby won’t grab.
Becky told me she’d love a canasta set for canasta nights with friends.
Sophie needed a classic, affordable black leather belt with gold hardware that she could wear on her hips or waist. Check!
Jodi was on the hunt for propagation vases to hang on her wall.
My wonderful mother-in-law told me she’d like a watch. She isn’t sure what she likes but knows what she doesn’t like. Tricky! Because I know she’ll futz with a watch that moves around a lot, I found this cuff-like watch from Movado that looks nice. I also think this Shinola watch could be good, too. She does love purple, so I’m throwing in this purple Jane watch as well.
I have about 50 other gift ideas in my guide, including luxurious loungewear, charms for her charm bracelet, the best face serum, a bathtan(!!), a great cookbook, a condiment-packed gift box, and a block of salted French butter — because she deserves it all.
Thanks so much for reading along today! Tap the heart if you liked it. (That helps more people discover Rel’s Recs, too!) Coming up soon: an April digest of everything I’m eating, eyeing, and buying, and an interview with Alexis deBoschnek about her new cookbook Nights and Weekends.
Don’t forget that becoming a paid subscriber not only gives you access to my full archives, it also supports my work and my business — and costs less than a medium Dunkin iced every month. So what do you say? Buy me a coffee. It would mean the world.
XO,
Rel
Not a mom but still love the sentiment that time is the greatest gift!
TIME + something I want vs need = perfect formula!